lacking sleep and yet im still up

i think the perfect word to describe my state right now is the word BANGAG.. yes, i am officially lacking sleep for almost a day or two..as of the moment i have only had 2 1/2 hours of sleep since this morning but just to make things clear i am not ranting about it although it may sound like it...my mind is not working at all, my eyelids are drooping and i am continuously yawning.. i cant even type properly and yet i am still up and wide awake..i wanted badly to go to sleep but pending tasks are still there that hinders me from doing so... yet im still happy and im still smiling.. maybe because i love what i am doing and i am having fun right now..though im really sleepy that didnt keep me from laughing my heart out upon seeing rome dance to the tune of always and itaktak mo..im quite excited about our trip tomorrow, our team will be on its way to tagaytay highlands...yahoo... i have never been there and i am quite excited to go.. although we are going there for business related reasons, im still very excited to go for the reason that i will get to ride a cable car!!! hahaha.. and babaw ko ba?! bakit ba eh sa hindi pa ako nakakasakay ng cable car eh...kanya kanya lang yan!!!i really dont know what this entry is leading to, i just wanted something to do as i wait for the file to be uploaded... oh well maybe ill make a better entry tom.

friends

new friends, new relationships...going back to the corporate world did bring a lot of perks.. aside from the fact that i get to earn money again i was given the chance to meet new people and build new relationships...i very thankful that i was able to meet a diverse bunch of people who made my daily routine at work fun.. from mina, to tiny, to mike, to nikki, to ice, to crazy rylie and freaky rome, to my favorite interns kat, mark and joanne (the 12 year old intern).. these people have helped me enjoy my first month stint here at Chase. my fears of being left out and not being at ease are all gone..their company has helped get through each day of meeting targets and dealing with applicants..i know that i am home and i belong...looking forward to more enjoyable days with you guys...

somebody is always saying goodbye

i have not always been good in dealing with goodbyes..everytime someone leaves, the feeling is the same..my heart gets broken and i am left alone..i still dont understand why things cant just remain the same as they used to be..someone always has to leave..just when you have reached the point that you are starting to know the person... i still dont understand why we have to invest emotions and friendships when in the end they are going to leave u anyways..i just dont understand it...i know i have been through this several times before, but that doesn't make it easier in dealing with it everytime that it happens.. there are moments that i would think of not investing on friendships anymore because of the fear of having to undergo the same feeling of loneliness again.. thinking about it just brings tears to my eyes...knowing that although the friendship will still remain, things will never be the same.. i just hope i get over the feeling as soon as possible cuz everytime i think about it, it just makes me sad..

oftentimes than not, i have tried to detach myself from the people around me, because of the fear that they would leave me anyways. many times have i tried to protect myself from the pain of having someone leave you but then again, i cant help myself from being close to someone, leaving me helpless and defenseless. a good friend of mine once told me that we should look at it in way that we should be thankful that we were given the chance to know the person instead of focusing on the feeling of being left alone...i dont know, as of now, nothing makes sense... i know she has a point, but as of the moment, i still dont understand why all these has to happen.. i still dont..i just hope that this would all pass, that at the end of the day, i will realize that there is a valid reason for everything that is happening..that at the end of the day, i know that it is worth all the pain and loneliness that i am feeling...

new year, new beginnings

last year was quite a tumultuous one for me.. sunod sunod ang mga problema..i really thought hindi ko na kaya..at one point, i thought that nothing gud happened to me last 2006. i kept reminding myself that everything happens for a reason although at that time i honestly didnt understand why these things are happening to me..but with God's faith i was able to pull through.. i was able to pick myself up and go on with life with the belief that things will get better.. when the year 2006 ended, i told my self that this year is definitely going to be better than the last one.. and to my surprise, its only the first month of the year, and things are beginning to go as planned.. i have a new job which i really like, relationships are being fixed and broken hearts are being mended.. i am completely grateful for all the good things that are happening to me and i am definitely happy as of the moment..i can feel that this is my year, and things are going to be great..