leaving

What is more painful, leaving someone behind or being left behind? Before, I thought that being left behind was more painful. Maybe because oftentimes I would always feel the sadness of having to part with the people that I have gotten to know. No matter how many times I have experienced it, it’s always as painful as the first time. I would often question why people have to leave me and why do I have to feel the emptiness left by that person. Somehow you get to realize the fact that things will never be the same and that person will forever leave a space inside of you that no one else can fill. Many times have I asked the question of “why do we have to get to know someone and later on be close to them, when later on they will be leaving us or the other way around, us leaving them? It has always been hard for me to adjust to changes. It almost came to the point wherein I have prevented myself to getting close to someone for the fear of being left again and being hurt. But then again I realized that I am not allowing myself the opportunity to get to know other people and establish relationships that I could keep. And that it wouldn’t do me any good. Before I would often think that it was always the one who is left behind who would have a hard time adjusting to the situation. Until recently, I have realized that leaving someone can also be as painful as being left by someone. That realization came when I left the company I was working for the past one and a half year. With the time I have spent with the company, I was able to establish a personal relationship with the people from my team and with the people that I got to work with. Work became easier because I had people that I was able to go to the gym with, play badminton, have lunch or dinner and oftentimes than not, spend our Friday nights out. This became a routine for me for more than a year and I have already gotten used to it. Making a decision to leave the company and pursue my dream of obtaining a masteral degree became a hard task. Why would you ask? Because I find it hard to leave the people that I have learned to love. I know that when I leave, things will never be the same and that things will be different even though we don’t want them to be. It is always hard to let go of the things that you have gotten used to. But I know that things happen for a reason. That the time I had with the people I have learned to love is not wasted. Just like what a friend of mine told me, life is a journey and that people we get to know along the way are the ones who make the journey easier.